Debunking Suicide Myths

BY MAUREEN ELIAS, VHC DEPUTY DIRECTOR

“Deep breaths, deep breaths,” I told myself as I opened the door to the office, in my brand-new scrubs, a little unsure of what to expect my first day as a mental health counseling intern at a crisis stabilization center.

She walked in as if the world were on her shoulders and sat down with a long sigh, “I need to tell you. I have been actively seeking ways to kill myself.”

Once I regained the ability to breathe, I said as calmly as I could, “I am so glad you came to me with these feelings. It sounds like you are in a lot of pain.” She opened up and poured everything out. And so, we both survived my first day at the crisis stabilization center.

Through my direct experience, I learned there are many myths around suicide. As a society, we don’t like to talk about it, and therefore we don’t understand it—which makes it harder to solve as the numbers rise.

We have all experienced moments when we wished the ground would swallow us up whole. But we are able to carry on. This is not so for people who contemplate suicide. They struggle with the perception that they are a burden and no longer feel they belong. Tom Joiner’s book, Myths About Suicide, examines four myths.

Myth One: “Suicide is an easy escape, one that cowards use”

If suicide is so easy, then why is it so difficult to do? The current ratio stands that for every 20 suicide attempts, one is completed.

Few would consider those who won the Tour de France cowards, and yet of those sixty, suicide occurs at a rate several hundred times higher than the general population. None would consider a survivor of the Holocaust a coward, yet the suicide rate among those survivors is the highest in human history. What these two populations have in common with many veterans is a shared history of injury and pain that creates a familiarity with fearlessness, which can prove fatal when combined with a desire for death.

Myth Two: “People Who Die by Suicide Don’t Make Future Plans”

I would have thought that one of the plus sides to knowing my life was about to end is that I wouldn’t have to worry about things such as paying my electric bill. I think I would probably tell some people off. I would have some fun.

But individuals thinking about suicide treat responsibility as they normally do because they are handling their everyday stuff, even while having much deeper, painful thoughts.

The suicidal mind has forces tugging from the sides of both life and death. People often make plans for jobs, trips, and relationships in the days and weeks before their deaths by suicide. There are two processes going on in their mind. Even while considering the everyday choices—“What will I do this weekend? What do I need from the grocery store? What is wrong with this printer?”—other thoughts intrude: “Why don’t I just die?” There is an aspect of death that is almost comforting: “People would be better off, so why don’t I just get it over with?”

Myth Three: “Suicide is Selfish”

Those who die by suicide have experienced a rupture in their social connections. They are alone in a way few can understand. In fact, there is abundant evidence that those who die by suicide incorrectly believe that their deaths will be a blessing to others. Their mental calculations tell them their death will be worth more than their life to others. Their minds are so focused on the here and now—on their pain—that even the most obvious consequences of their actions do not register.

Here’s an example. As I was in labor with my first child begging for an epidural, the anesthesiologist was busy with another client down the hall. Without realizing what I was doing, I grabbed my husband by his t-shirt, pulled him close to me, and bit him as hard as I could. It wasn’t an act of selfishness. I reacted in a desperation caused by intense pain.

Perhaps we can envision someone with suicidal thoughts as being in immense pain rather than being selfish.

Myth Four: “If People Want to Die by Suicide, We Can’t Stop Them”

If people believe this myth, they might not try to intervene or take any action at all, thinking it won’t make a difference because the person will just attempt suicide again. Imagine if this were a loved one who had a heart attack and you didn’t intervene because she would probably just have another one. In fact, the opposite is true: Intervention can be very effective at stopping or preventing suicide.

At places such as the Eiffel Tower, the Golden Gate Bridge, and the Empire State Building, authorities put measures into place to help prevent suicides.

Don’t fall for the myths. You can make a difference.